On Being Human: A Memoir of Waking Up, Living Real, and Listening Hard

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Thank you to Penguin Group Dutton for providing me with a copy of Jennifer Pastiloff’s memoir, On Being Human: A Memoir of Waking Up, Living Real, and Listening Hard, in exchange for an honest review.

Jennifer Pastiloff has built an incredible life. She is in a loving marriage, has a beautiful child, and has created a successful career as an inspirational leader of life changing yoga retreats. However, the road to Pastiloff’s currently life was bumpy.

Pastiloff had a tumultuous childhood, which included the death of her father. She suffered from crippling self-doubt and anorexia. Her self-image issues played a role in her refusal to seek medical attention for her progressive hearing loss, an issue that caused her many years of social pain, excluding her from fully participating in conversations and feeling like people viewed her as less intelligent. She meandered through her twenties/early thirties, engaging in self-destructive activities and unable to figure out her true career path or to find a good romantic partner.

On Being Human is part memoir and part self-help book, as Pastiloff gives tips and exercises gleaned from her popular workshops for reader to try at home. Pastiloff is relatable and raw. I related to her sense of feeling lost in her twenties/early thirties. She dropped out of college and spent over a decade working as a server at a cafe. I was in a similar situation and I could relate to knowing that you have skills and dreams, but also not quite knowing how to focus on a career path. The sense of knowing that there is so much more out there for you, but also not knowing how to grab it. In a culture where we value the traditional education/career path, it can be very difficult for people who do not stick to that mold. Pastiloff filled me with encouragement and hope. I would definitely recommend On Being Human, to anyone who is feeling a little lost.

Another aspect of Pastiloff’s memoir is the idea of following your gut or inner voice. Pastiloff did not have dreams of being a yoga instructor or a motivational coach, but she listened to her intuition when the opportunities presented themselves, she took them. The first time she met her would-be husband, she wasn’t interested in him, but a decade later, her gut told her to pursue the relationship. It’s part trusting yourself and part timing, as life is ever evolving and sometimes you might need the time to grow, in order to be ready to accept an opportunity. Pastiloff in her early twenties was not ready to accept certain things and she needed the time to grow. Rather than beating herself up over these missed years, she looks at them as a time needed to develop into the person she is today.

Pastiloff experienced massive hearing loss, a condition that slowly worsened over many years. Finally, she realized that she needed to use a hearing aid, something that she had been embarrassed about to the point of choosing to miss out on hearing. It was a vanity issue. When she finally conceded to needing the hearing aids, she realized that she could not afford them. However, Pastiloff had built a community of friends and clients who wanted to help her purchase them. This community came through with several other financial emergencies. My take-away is if you show enough love to other people, especially giving it freely with no expectations, often this love will come back to you in abundance. I’ve seen this happen in my own life and in the lives of those around me. Pastiloff’s younger adult years were spent in such fear of judgement, that when she was able to push that aside, she saw the blessing of allowing other people to be part of her life. We often hear that it “takes a village” to raise a child, but I think that it applies to everyone. We all need help sometimes. We need a sense of belonging to a community.

On Being Human is a wonderful reminder of the power of humanity and of embracing life. I highly recommend it for anyone who needs a bit of a boost. I’d love to attend one of Pastiloff’s workshops and to see how her energy in person, compares to the page. It is radiant in her memoir!

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance

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Late in 2018, I began listening to Cathy Heller’s podcast, Don’t Keep Your Day Job. Heller’s inspirational podcast focuses on following your passion and creativity towards a meaningful career. On one of her episodes, Heller interviewed Angela Duckworth, a psychologist and author of Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance.

Duckworth has a very popular TedTalk on the subject of grit, which she turned into a deeper exploration in her book. In Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance, she explores the idea of having grit and how grit could be a bigger predictor of success, then either talent or genius. A person who has grit has the drive to persevere and often that leads to success.

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance made me consider my own level of grittiness. In some areas of my life, I’ve shown plenty of grit, which I always have attributed to stubbornness. However, I’ve definitely had dreams and chased them to a degree of success. I’ve done the 10,000 hours or damn near close, that is considered a bench mark for mastering a skill.

However, I can also remember a strange phenomenon from my middle-school years that was common with my peers, where it was more social acceptable to feign having not worked hard. That somehow to be smart, it only counted if it was innate and that studying was less-than. To ace a test or paper without having put in the effort was seen as a superior result. This of course, especially with adult hindsight, is ridiculous and pitiful. Luckily, this was short-lived and not an attitude that followed me to high school, where many of my friends worked hard for well-deserved success.

I’m not a parent, but during the chapters on parenting for grit, I could see how my mom pushed me. How she strove to instill grit. Truthfully, I wish she had pushed even harder, but I definitely appreciate that she went to the local parent-teacher store and bought workbooks for me. I always had extra mom given homework assignments on the weekends and every day during school breaks. She would drill me with flashcards and feed my love of reading with endless books. I’m not sure I liked the extra work, but it was a real benefit to me, instilling not only educational skills, but discipline and meeting expectations.

Duckworth gives a brief mention regarding parenting for grit with the distractions of modern technology. She has two teenager daughters and although her family is strict with technology rules, they are not perfect. I liked her response to whether or not millennials, distracted by technology, lack attention span and thus grit: she said that each generation has differences in culture and experience. Essentially, it’s unfair to judge millennials because of how their lives have been impacted by technology, that it is better to realize that they are growing up with a different experience. It was a light-bulb moment to think of different generations of having different cultures.

Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance is filled with wonderful examples of grit, from cadets at West Point, to professional athletes, and even children competing in the National Spelling Bee. It’s a fascinating look at drive and passion that is truly inspirational.